The Most Important Thing

Not attending daily mass has really been a struggle for me. At TU I would normally go to many daily masses a week, and even once I was home for a few weeks of the summer we at least went to one daily mass a week in addition to Sunday mass. Here in Seoul, this routine just hasn't been feasible yet. Myeong-dong Cathedral (where I attend 9am Sunday mass for English speakers) is an hour away from my dorm, which pretty much made me give up hope on daily mass. Which I know is a horrible thing to do, and there's got to be daily mass closer, (right?? where are all the churches??) but there's something slightly crippling about finding things for yourself in a country where you don't speak the language.

But I've really noticed a change in myself as I've only been receiving the Eucharist once weekly. I feel that I have a greater lack of hope. My sustenance comes only once at the beginning of the week, so that by Wednesday I'm completely exhausted. I worry illogically and have an even harder time placing my trust in God than usual. Now, I'm not saying a lack of the Eucharist is the only thing tiring me out. I'm taking 5 hours of class a day, and both of my classes are quite challenging so I spend hours studying each night and in the mornings. I'm surrounded by people constantly, with little to no alone time, and I'm trying to build friendships in my limited free time without having the comfort of retreating to time with family or old friends who I'm already comfortable with. So I'm tired.

But I do love it here. I do love Korea; I am so glad that I'm studying abroad. It's a beautiful place, with good food, nice people, and a culture I find intensely interesting. I'm learning so much and meeting so many people. I'm finally experiencing Korea and doing things I've waited six years to do. And I'm happy. But the thing is- none of those things are the most important thing.

And I'm missing that most important thing. At the end of the day, even after I've prayed and read the scriptures, I still long for something else. Daily prayer keeps you afloat- but the sacraments set you free. Christ himself, in his body, blood, soul, and divinity, is the most important thing. He is what I need. Talking with Him in prayer is a great and necessary thing, but receiving Him is infinitely more powerful. I want that energy, I want that strength again of having the Eucharist daily to strengthen me, to help me to love others, to help me strive for virtue. The Christian life is hard enough to live out without making it harder on myself.

So, it looks like it's settled. I'll find a daily mass that I can attend, whether in Korean or in English, and I will go.